chrishansenhome: (Default)
I got the following SPAM™ email purporting to come from an Australian. Now I realise that educational standards differ, but perhaps the author of this missive might want to brush up on English usage.

Name: {STUPID FIRST-TIME SCAM SPAMMER}
Country of birth: Australia.
My private email: {SPAMMERA}gmail.com

Attn: Beloved,
Good morning,

Greetings in the name of humanity, I am Mrs. {STUPID FIRST-TIME SCAM SPAMMER}, a citizen of Australia but presently in Pretoria,South Africa.I was previously working for the federal government, I am 50 years old, I am now a new Christian/Born again but from all indication, my conditions is really deteriorating and it is quite depressing, i have been suffering from long time cancer of the Lungs, from obvious reasons,that I wont live more than 4 months, according to my doctors, this is because the cancer stage has gotten to a very bad stage.

My late husband died last five years ago, and during the period of our marriage we couldn't produce any child. My late husband was very wealthy and after his death, I inherited all his business and wealth.

The doctors has advised me that I may not live for more than 4 months, so I now decided to give his wealth to contribute to the development of the church in Africa, America, Asia, and Europe.

I selected you after visiting the website and I prayed over it. I am willing to donate the sum of $3,000.000.00u.usd (Three million United States dollars) to the less privileged.

Please I want you to note that this fund is lying in a bank in South Africa. Once i hear from you,I will forward you the bank details and contact person in the bank,he is reliable.I will also furnish you with the user id and password for you access the funds online.

I honestly pray that this money when transferred to your account will be used for the said purpose, because I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without humility, all is vanity.

Please provide me with the following information so I can forward it to a church friend who used to work with the bank.He is a reliable and god fearing man.

(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)

So why, when SPAMmers send these letters, do they always say "cancer of the Lungs"? Any reasons why capitalising "lungs" makes it more forceful?
chrishansenhome: (Default)
I am Mr.Nelson William, a Reputable, Legitimate, Certified, Reliable & an accredited loan Lender.

I suppose the capital letters make him more Reputable, Legitimate, Certified, and Reliable. However, they devalue his "accreditation".
chrishansenhome: (Default)
I guess I must be like Schroedinger's Cat: neither completely dead nor completely alive.

Attn: Card Owner=====Are You Dead Or Alive

Attention:

I received an email from an unknown person trying to claim your funds of 5.5Million United state dollar Via Atm Card telling me you are dead.

But i am doing this by the instruction given to me by my superior for the last time that if i don't hear from you at this time, i should go ahead to award and dispatched the Atm Card and Document, ownership to the new beneficiary after he had provided all the information needed to effect the transaction.

But if you have anything as a prove (Scan Copy of your International Passport or Driver's License) that you are still alive and able-bodied, capable of completing the abandoned transaction, do not hesitate to do so as soon as possible because the unknown person is trying to pay for the requested Fees for the Released of your Atm Card later today, but immediately i discovered it i called the (Tax Officers Department) to stop the shipment of the Atm Card for now that i will get back to them in a short period of time after i make my findings and enquirers from you if really you are dead.

I bet you immediately you are very capable of completing this transaction, I shall hand him over to the police and he will be punished for all his misdeeds and actions.

I awaits your urgent response in this matter before the fund is finally endorsed to the new beneficiary meanwhile you are to re-confirm the information below so as not to delivered it to the wrong person.

Meanwhile bear in mind that you are to pay the remaining balance of $105 dollars for the released of your Atm Card immediately in order to complete this transaction with you specifically because i am doing this for your own good.

Details on how to send the fee.....

Name of the receiver ...... {Redacted to spare his blushes}
Country ................ Benin Republic
City ............... Cotonou
Test Question ..........Card
Test Answer ..........Owner
Amount ..............$105.00 Only

Thanks and Do Have a Great Day Ahead As i hope that my email will be followed immediately with a response!

Yours Sincerely,
Mr Douglas Harvey
Call {No, I won't spread your phone number around—)
atmdepartmentpaymentoffice@{Nope, no domain either.}
chrishansenhome: (Default)
I thought that the Chair of the Federal Reserve was Janet Yellen. And it's interesting that in the very first "bait" letter the scammer boldly asks for $250. Normally the scammers wait until the victim responds to the bait letter before they ask for money. This guy has balls. And the closing salutation at the end of the letter is priceless. Note that the Federal Reserve's "email address" goes to the domain of "yahoo.com.vn".

These guys continuously amaze me.

FROM THE DESK OF DR. WILLIAM C. DUDLEY
CHAIRMAN UNITED STATES FEDERAL RESERVE/
FUND MANAGEMENT & REFORM COMMITTEE
(SUB SECTION WEST AFRICAN MONITORING UNIT)

NOTIFICATION OF CREDIT FROM UNITED STATES FEDERAL RESERVE BANK.

We have this day received a payment credit instruction from UN to credit your account with your full Inheritance fund of US$10.5 million dollars from the United state reserve account with our UNITED STATES FEDERAL RESERVE. However, you are required to provide the followings data below:

{1}. Your Full Name and Address.
{2}. Your Confidential Tel, Cell and Fax
{3). Your Bank name and address.
{4). Your A/c Name and A/c Numbers.:
(5). Your Swift Code / Routing Numbers.

Please do provide the above information accurately, because this office cannot afford to be held liable for any wrong transfer of funds or liability of funds credited into a ghost account.

Secondly, the only money you pay for the transfer to take place is just $250 being the approval payment certification from the government of Germany, and you are giving a limited time to send the payment and please be advise that you are to send the payment to American Embassy office in Germany and you are to use this information to send the $250 and please be informed that you are not going to pay any other payment to any body and do not be deceived by any body to send any other payment.

Here is the information you will use to send the payment through Money Gram or Western union.

Receiver Name ::::: Dr. Christoph Theodor Wagner
Address ::::::: {redacted in case idiots read this}
City: Hoechberg/Germany
Question :::::::: Honest
Answer :::::::::: Trust
Really? Truly?

Sender Name :::::
MTCN :::::::::

Send to me the following info once you send the payment.
Senders Name:
Location:
MTCN / Reference #:

Upon confirmation of the payment, note that your funds will be credited into your provided account within 24hours.

Thanks for transacting with the federal Reserve Bank while we looking forward to serving you with the best of our service. Accept my congratulations in advance.

GOD BLESS AMERICA.
Thanks and God bless you.
Regards,
Yours in Service,
DR. WILLIAM C. DUDLEY

Chairman United States Federal Reserve
Email ({redacted in case the unwary see this}@yahoo.com.vn)
chrishansenhome: (Cartoon)
Any email from a stranger that begins:

"Greetings to you my dear beloved one"

makes me wince. It goes on:

Your first reaction to this mail will be total rejection, scare and may be unbelief, owing largely to the atrocities people committed these days in quest for easy wealth. This email comes from a devastated, sorrowful and emotional laden soul that needs compassion from a kind and conscience driven person, who can wipe away my tears against all odds, perhaps when I am gone beyond this sinful world.

Total rejection? You said it, sister. It continues:

I married to late Dr. Michael sommer, who left me with unimaginable pain to eternity after a brief illness. I have been entrusted with the sum $4.8 Million, the accrued savings and life insurance gratuity of my late husband in the custody of a Finance Company in United States of America. I have been diagnosed of a complex case of ovarian cancer that has spread into my pelvic cavity, consequently, is due for surgery as the only cure'. According to experts, a cure that allows me to breath for few days. Obviously, according to my doctor, my days are numbered! I may die any moment from the above sickness.

Everyone's days are numbered, my dear beloved one. You don't need to use an exclamation point. She ends:

I took this decision because I want you to recover the money for your prudent care, management and safekeeping. Use it to secure traveling papers for my daughter Jennifer who is presently in one of the West African country and train her as your adopted child. Since my illness is terminal and the fact that relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them because my daughter is like my mirror now. In view of the complexity of my illness, my best legacy for my daughter will be to have her grown into adulthood under the supervision of someone whose mind is driven by conscience.

Please kindly get back to me if youre willing to assist me in this Endeavor.


What an assumption! I am not interested in adopting anyone—especially someone who is a mirror of someone else. Luckily, this won't be necessary, as until you can send me an email that is grammatical, orthographically sound (so why has your "husband's" name suddenly lost its initial capital letter?), and believable, I'll ignore you.

Regards,

Your dear beloved one.
chrishansenhome: (Cartoon)
I present this without comment, and have edited it so that the capitalisation is normal; it originally came to me in ALL CAPS. So here it is in all its glory:

Subject: [spam?] Re: My dear beneficiary may your soul rest in perfect peace

My dear beneficiary

I am sorry to tell you if this is true? I received an email from Mr James White, he called us yesterday informing me that you are dead and he said that I should seek for power of attorney from Ministry of Finance to change your file name from your payment file to his name and transfer your $6.2million dollars to him, because he is your next of kin beneficiary to you, and he also told me that you instructed him to claim your properties including your fund because you are no more to be found on Earth.

I am very sorry to hear that you are no more to be found on Earth and I dont know if this is the reason why you have not reply the email I sent to you since,this is my promise to you that I am going to do everything within my power to make sure that your fund is be transfer to him as your next of kin beneficial to you may your soul rest in perfect peace and may God grant you internal life on the last day to come I am very very sorry if this is true.

He did said he knew he was going to send some money for the transfer to get your fund to him because you told him something like that and I should let him know the cost which is $68.00usd only for origin certificate,

But I told him to hold on and let me verify if this is true or not because I am confused now about this claims you are advice to reply back to us with the fee, if this is not true but if it is true that you are dead still no where to be found on Earth means we will not hear from you , then we are going to keep on waiting for you till tomorrow then fail to hear from you then we will change your payment file to his name to transfer your fund to him as your beneficial.

So if you still alive then feel free to go ahead and send the required fee $68.00usd us dollars for the transfer charge today so that by tomorrow,we will transfer your fund to you as agreed,below here are the information to send the $68.00usd through western union,

The agreement made it mandatory that you will pay $68.00usd only for the transfer charges fee to enable us automate the information's on the transfer script text for your fund to be made available to you. You are advice to send the sum of $68.00usd only via (money transfer service name excised in case some fool thinks this is real) with the below stated details to make it faster and easier;

Receiver name: Daniel Ikechukwu
Country: Benin Republic.
City::::Cotonou
Test question: urgent?.
Answer: today.
Amount: $68.00usd

When you make the Payment, send the payment information to this Office. upon confirm the fee from you today, The Complete Information will be release to you , note that we have a specific time to transfer your funds and you have to know that this is the final stage and the most important and fragile stage of this transaction. The official deadline is due to expire with the application law. So you have to act fast to avoid any further delays that may be detrimental to the whole process.

I will be waiting for your positive response with the payment information's. Any delay from your side regarding this payment exercise will be resolved for the next quarter payment that will be coming . So you are advised to add here to our instructions so as to enable us serve you better.

Regards,
Hon, Mark J. Desmond
chrishansenhome: (Default)
I received the following SPAM™ today that is just too delicious not to share with the world. As they are asking only for $85 I wonder how they can make any money out of this. And the fact that I have "failed to dance by the rule of the FBI" worries me. Is there some special dance that J. Edgar Hoover performed, perhaps in a tutu, about which I am ignorant? Here's the complete email for your delectation, and remember: Dance with the FBI or face the consequences!

WE HAVE BEEN WATCHING EVERY SINGLE TRANSACTION YOU MADE SINCE LAST YEAR UNTIL THIS 2013 AND YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT WE ARE ALSO WORKING TO MAKE SURE YOUR FUNDS WHICH ARE SUPPOSE TO BE DELIVERED TO YOU, AND ALSO BEAR IN MIND WHAT EVER YOU EMAILING US WILL BE FORWARD TO THE COURT. ALSO WE ARE HEREBY TO NOTIFY BY THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FLORIDA AND REPUBLIC OF BENIN DEPARTMENT OF THE INSULT YOU IMPOSED ON THEM BY FAILING TO COMPLY BY THEIR REQUIREMENTS.

YOUR FULL RESIDENTIAL ADDRESS HAS BEEN FORWARDED TO US FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE ARREST TO FACE YOUR CHARGE BUT I DEEMED IT FIT TO GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM THIS MESS. WE HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT YOU HAVE FAILED TO DANCE BY THE RULE OF THE FBI WHICH WILL WARRANT 2 YEARS JAIL SENTENCE. NOW I MR.HACKETT JOHN ALVIN THE SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE OF THE FBI ALBANY DEPARTMENT I AM GIVING YOU 24 WORKING HOURS TO EFFECT THE PAYMENT OF THE $85.00 DOLLARS TO THE FBI BRANCH OFFICE IN FLORIDA USA, OR IN REPUBLIC OF BENIN (FBISECURITYBRANCHOFFICEFLORIDA) WITH THE INFORMATION WRITTEN BELOW:

RECEIVERS NAME:... XXX XXX ONYEKWE
COUNTRY/... BENIN-REPUBLIC
CITY ADDRESS IS COTONOU
TEST QUESTION:.. WHAT CITY
ANSWER :.. COTONOU
AMOUNT: ...$85.00 US DOLLARS.

YOU HAVE TO TRY AS MUCH AS YOU CAN AND MAKE THIS PAYMENT TODAY, SO THAT YOUR FUNDS WILL BE DELIVERED IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR DESTINATION WITHIN 4 TO 5HRS AFTER CONFIRMATION OF THE REQUIRED $85.00 DOLLARS.YOU HAVE TO STOP EVERY TRANSACTION YOU ARE COMMUNICATING WITH OTHER ORGANIZATION TO AVOID DELAY ON THE PROCESSING OF YOUR FUNDS. NOTE IF YOU FAIL TO STICK WITH MY ADVICE OR ANY DELAY WILL LEAD TO US COMING DIRECTLY TO YOUR HOME ADDRESS AT ANY TIME, SO TRY AND DANCE BY THE RULE AND GET BACK TO ME WITH GOOD UNDERSTANDING ASAP.

SPECIAL AGENT IN CHARGE;
MR.HACKETT JOHN ALVIN

August 2017

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