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Conjoined twins walk into a pub in Toronto and park themselves on a bar stool.

One of them says to the bartender, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers please.'

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, lads?'

'Off to England next month,' says John. 'We go to England every year, hire a car. And drive for miles, don't we, Jim?' Jim agrees.

'Ah, England ' says the bartender. 'Wonderful country ... The history, the beer, the culture....'

'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John. 'Hamburgers & Molson's beer, that's us eh Jim?' Jim agrees.

And we can't stand the English, they're so arrogant and rude, not civil and polite like us Canadians.'

'So why keep going to England ?' asks the bartender.

'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive..

...and many happy returns of the day. The BBC sends birthday wishes to some members of the Royal Family, and one knew when the Queen Mother was about to croak when the BBC changed from wishing her "many happy returns of the day" to "a very happy day".