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The esteemed organ Private Eye often takes the mickey out of various national characteristics. When Princess Diana died they ran a column called Dianaballs chronicling all the silly references to her in the media. They run one on sports stupidities called Colemanballs. Well, they're (of course) now running one called Jubileeballs about the hype around Her Majesty the Queen's Diamond Jubilee on the throne.

Now I have an entry, I think. Was it necessary for Tesco at the Elephant and Castle shopping centre to play, on an endless loop, God Save the Queen? It's not that I find it difficult to sing; it's not that I disagree with the sentiments. It's that hearing it continuously for 10 minutes as I browsed the aisles for Fairy™ Liquid and Hellmann's™ Mayonnaise made me want to stuff spring onions in my ears to block out the sound.

At the till I made a mistake in punching in my PIN code because I was in such a hurry to leave. The poor staff, however, are prisoners. They will have to hear it all day and into the evening.

To their credit, they didn't just play the first verse. They played the third and fourth verses as well, skipping the second and fifth. But I hope I don't hear it again today. And you may read of a zombie apocalypse at the Elephant if they do it for the entire four-day weekend.

1. God save our gracious Queen
Long live our noble Queen
God save the Queen
Send her victorious
Happy and glorious
Long to reign over us
God save the Queen

2. O Lord our God arise
Scatter her enemies
And make them fall
Confound their politics
Frustrate their knavish tricks
On Thee our hopes we fix
God save us all

3. Thy choicest gifts in store
On her be pleased to pour
Long may she reign
May she defend our laws
And ever give us cause
To sing with heart and voice
God save the Queen

4. Not in this land alone
But be God's mercies known
From shore to shore
Lord make the nations see
That men should brothers be
And form one family
The wide world over

5. From every latent foe
From the assassins blow
God save the Queen
O'er her thine arm extend
For Britain's sake defend
Our mother, prince, and friend
God save the Queen