Don't blame me, blame Fr. MadPriest's MadDad…

A gas station owner was trying to increase his sales. So, he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

Soon one of his regular customers pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

The customer guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time.'

A week later, the same man, this time accompanied by a friend, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.

The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The man guessed 2 this time.

The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time.'

As they were driving away he said to his friend, 'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex.'

His friend replied, 'No it ain't. It's not rigged at all. My wife won twice last week.'

A word to the wise: Follow Fr. MadPriest's blog if you're at all spiritual. He's one of the best religious bloggers around.

Today's chores and a long story to boot…

Some days one has no ambition at all. And some days you have as much ambition as you could shake a stick at. Today was one of those days.

After getting my antibiotic shoved in my arm and the foot dressed (the nurse thinks it looks good), I got the newspaper, made myself lunch, and then started washing clothing.

Why was I washing? Because we have had an infestation of bedbugs, that's why. All our clothing that we were not wearing has to be put into black bin bags and then washed at 60 degrees F. Let me go back to the beginning.

Around the middle of September, HWMBO was complaining of mosquito bites in the morning. I told him that mosquitoes were rare around here, but he persisted. So, one night, I got up to use the loo and when I turned the light on, discovered a very gorged bedbug on the bed. We immediately dealt with it (squashing a bedbug that's just fed is messy) and the next morning I called the housing association.

This was my first mistake, as they provide a free pest control service but did not tell me about it. So, I called a pest control service I found online and he came on September 29th to spray the room. We had to take everything out of the room, all the clothes, stuffed animals, everything. He sprayed and charged us £150, while saying that one application usually doesn't do the trick and if we wanted him to come again he's charge us less if we called him directly. So I suppose Her Majesty is not getting as much tax as she ought to from this particular pest controller.

We slept on the futon downstairs while we monitored our bed upstairs for evidence of continued infestation. Boy, was there evidence! We'd find one wandering around looking for someone to devour at least once a week.

Calling the landlord again, we discovered that his pest control people were competent to deal with bedbugs and they would send them right over. For free. What a chump I was…

The second one came and did a very thorough job. We are now back in our bedroom. He will be coming again for a second pass and we hope that will be the end of it. But it's been a real burden on both of us. Our futon is not very comfortable to sleep on, and with my foot, getting out of the futon was a real pain.

The interesting item is this: I found out from whence they came. One of our neighbours, who is a client of a mental health agency and is pleasant enough but a bit scattered, asked me to help him put together some flat-pack furniture he'd purchased. After a lot of false starts I finally went over there and put together a table and chair for him. I returned home and thought nothing about it.

A few months later M. came over for a coffee in the midst of our vermin problem. I mentioned it to M. and he said, "Oh, I had a bedbug problem, but I got the council to come in to spray and it's OK now." Well, obviously, the spraying had occurred after my visit there. I probably brought a bug back on my clothing or shoes. Thanks, M.!

I am cheered by the information that bedbugs, as disgusting as they are, do not thrive in dirt and do not carry diseases.

So one of my chores now is to go through all the black bin bags, wash the clothes we want to keep and put them away, discard clothing we don't want or wash it and give it to the jumble sale at church. You never know how much bumpf you have until you have to move it around. Today was Bin Bag 1.

So when this first batch was drying on the radiators, I took all the trash out, including all the recycling, went shopping, made baked macaroni and cheese, planned what I'd cook for HWMBO (he got mac & cheese and fishcakes; I eschewed the fishcakes but he now has fishcakes and M&C for lunch tomorrow), and tried to relax.

Tomorrow will be the rest of Bin Bag 1. Only about 10 more to go. Sigh.