The Long Arm of the Law

Foolish legislators in Malawi have introduced legislation that, among other things, will ban farting. This will put many low comedians out of business and severely inconvenience the majority of people who eat from time to time. Church bean suppers will be a thing of the past, garlic will be banished from the nation's tables, and fart-filtering underwear will be in great demand.

In other news, King Canute is preparing to order the tides to reverse, bears are defecating in forests worldside, and the Vatican is preparing a news release confirming that the Pope is indeed a Catholic. Or was it that the bears are preparing for their First Communions and the Pope was seen bearing a roll of Charmin into a stand of trees? I get confused occasionally.

Unclear on the concept

From News of the Weird comes the redaction of a story from the Orlando Sentinel:

In a December incident near Orlando, a former Ku Klux Klan "Cyclops," George Hixon, 73, and his son, Troy, 45, and Troy's girlfriend fought, resulting in Troy's allegedly firing gunshots toward the woman's feet and the subsequent arrests of the two men. According to Osceola County deputies, the altercation was precipitated by the girlfriend's unhappiness that she got the "cheap beer" while the men kept the "good beer" (Budweiser) for themselves.

There is so much wrong with this story. First, there is a Biblical reference (by default) of cheap vs. good beer. This is reminiscent of the Wedding Feast at Cana, where Jesus changed water into wine, not only into wine, but the very best wine. The host of the feast was then commended for keeping back the best wine until last, contrary to the usual custom of starting off with the best wine and then carrying out the rotgut when everyone was too drunk to care.

However, most important, the lady in question seems to believe that Budweiser is the "good" beer. What must they have been serving her?