From Twitter 07-10-2010

• 18:00:29: @therealgokwan Oh, of course, the juicy bits (kind of like orange juice).
  
• 18:58:51: From your lips to God's ears! RT @sammymcloughlin: Bored of hearing about Paul the Psychic Octopus. Release him and let him be free.
  
• 18:59:44: @Shelbycub I had a Subway BMT yesterday. Heaven except for the dry mouth later on (too much salt) :-( Enjoy!
  
• 19:03:59: I'm about to block someone who's spamming his followers w messages saying he's unfollowing people who've unfollowed him. You know who u r!
  
• 20:34:37: @Dlink [Speed] #router #dlink http://tswl.us/aChn1Q
  
• 20:42:04: @BigRichB I have a friend who's from Panama but who is now in London via San Diego. I can put u in touch if you DM your email...
  
• 20:46:47: Sorry to hear it. Maybe you should picket it on opening night! RT @PlayboyAdonis: Ugh they cut my character out of the play 8((
  
• 20:47:37: @JoexEd I'm fine. Just had dinner and listening to an old Hearts of Space summer electronica. Everything's good. You?
  
• 20:51:15: Have you been reading Ulysses again? ;-)RT @jonk: Umm yes. Yes yes. http://twitpic.com/244kym
  
• 20:53:20: @JoexEd Have a good moving day. I hate moving. I now have so much stuff that I'd cut off my left nut rather than move.
  
• 20:53:58: @sexydeadstar Shirt looks good!
  
• 21:07:00: @BigRichB Oh, he's American. His dad worked in the Canal Zone when the US had it.
  
• 21:15:50: @ricky_martin Happy 26th anniversary, dude! Many happy returns of the day!
  
• 23:58:38: Well, tweeps and peeps. Time for bed, I think. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Not a long list, of course.
  

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Today's joke, but don't blame me, blame MadPriest

A nun walked into Mother Superior’s office and plunked down into a chair. She let out a sigh heavy with frustration.

‘What troubles you, Sister?’ asked Mother Superior. ‘I thought this was the day you spent with your family.’

‘It was,’ sighed the Sister. ‘And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.’

‘I seem to recall that,’ Mother Superior agreed. ‘So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?’

‘Far from it,’ snorted the Sister. ‘In fact, I even took the Lord’s name in vain today!’

‘Goodness, Sister!’ gasped Mother Superior, astonished. ‘You must tell me all about it!’

‘Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it’s flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…and it hits a bird in mid-flight !’

‘Oh my!’ commiserated Mother. ‘How unfortunate! But surely that didn’t make you blaspheme, Sister!

”No, that wasn’t it,’ admitted Sister. ‘While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!’

‘Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!’ sympathized Mother.

‘But I didn’t, Mother!’ sobbed the Sister. ‘And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!’

‘So that’s when you cursed,’ said Mother, with a knowing smile.

‘Nope, that wasn’t it either,’ cried the Sister, anguished, ‘because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!’

Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said… ‘You missed the fucking putt, didn’t you?’